Reviving The Dream

As much as I have enjoyed my time in Germany, as you all know, my goal is and always has been to get to Scotland. I quit my job in Tucson a year and a half ago, sold my house and applied to study Scottish history at The University of the Highlands and Islands in Inverness. They accepted me for the fall of '08 and I planned to use my inheritance to pay for my 4 years of schooling and living in Scotland. But we were unable to sell my dad's house and close the estate in time for me to go last fall. Plan B.... get a deferment from the university and go to Germany for the interim.

It was definitely a good decision to come to Germany. I have connected with cherished memories of living here before, gotten my certification as an English language teacher and started working, and have basked in the sheer joy of being close to Nikki again after missing her for so many months. All of the good things about being here, though, have been tempered by my disappointment in not yet getting to Scotland. I have consciously tried to mentally lock away my dream of a life in the Scottish Highlands and concentrate instead on the unexpected gift of getting to live in Germany for a second time.

Most of the time I do fine but every so often I will find myself listening to Celtic music, or in a conversation with someone from Scotland, or surfing the net and landing on some site or another having to do with Scotland and suddenly I'm just sad. I don't know any other way to explain it other than to say that my heart hurts. My yearning has not faded with time or been lessened by diversion. But I believe that everything happens for reason and I continually remind myself that when the time is right it will happen. Don't waste the gift of today by looking only for what will come tomorrow. It works most of the time.

Then....I got an email from my aunt and uncle the other day. My Aunt Carmen is handling my dad's estate which includes the sale of his house. After 16 months on the market the house has finally sold and the estate will be finalized next week.

I think it has taken me a few days to actually absorb the news. Suddenly my dream is within reach. I can go to Scotland this year! I can move to the Highlands and immerse myself in the study of Scottish history for the next 4 years. I can go hiking in The Great Glen; I can hang out at that cool little pub in Inverness; I can visit the Orkney Islands and go hiking on Hoy anytime I want to; I can go to the Edinburgh International Festival and I'll be in Inverness for the Highland Games this year...and next year and the year after that and the year after that! I'll eat haggis and drink single malt whisky (I'm not even sure what single malt is but I'm gonna drink it!) I'll celebrate Burns Day and learn to speak English in a way that my friends and family won't understand. I can go back to the memorial at Culloden Moor and see my stone on the Visitor's Center Walk. I'll learn all the words (not just the chorus) to my favorite traditional Scottish songs and sing along with the band, and when asked, I'll be able to say, "No, I'm not a tourist. I live here."!